The Seven Skinnies on Being Skinny.

Skinny girl probs...

I'm not saying I'm super skinny..i know I'm not like the tiniest person alive.

I think I'm at a healthy weight, maybe go down like 5 pounds. 

But when you are on the skinnier side, it's not all the perks people act like it is.

So, I have decided to make this list (I love da lists.) about the downfalls of being thin.

This post was inspired by:

me and my life and my thoughts.

1. "Oh my gosh, shut up."

-the above face is the look people give skinny people when they say anything about body issues, and then likewise, the face skinny people give them when they say something about them saying something.

when you're skinny (girl), you actually become a different creature. One who is not allowed to think your thighs are too chunky, your tummy looks flabby, etc. Skinny girls are girls too, and will have body image issues just like you. Do not think the comment someone says has anything to do with you, it has to do with their own thoughts about themselves.  "Perfection is a disease of the nation"...duh.

2. "Oh my gosh, you're so skinny!"

the above statement might be better for someone who just lost a lost of weight. 300 to 150. when you say it to a skinny person, it seems like you're suggesting the above image. "So" skinny is more like an insult. If someone is skinny, it really doesn't need to be addressed. Would you go up to a heavy person and so, "You're so big!" Or a person with brunette hair, "Oh my goodness, you're hair is so brown!"

I don't know why our society feels the need to comment on everything about everyone's appearance.

3. "The No Tittay Commitay"

most skinny girls are "lacking" something deemed perfection by society. it's rare for you to be naturally skinny and have big bazoongas or a big ol' booty. Some people do...and those people are just not fair. 

4. "You aren't a 'real woman'."

I'm pretty sure anatomically a "real woman" has female genitalia. I think that should basically sum up that term...and even there..the lines are blurred. I want the folks who are skinny shaming girls to explain to me what it constitutes to be a "real woman." People say that being skinny means you can't bear children...huh. I don't think bearing children is a part of being a real woman: lots of women can't get pregnant. And it's just false besides that.

It is not wrong to be skinny. 

5. "Skinny people don't have cellulite..."

Bethany girl..i'm with you. People just think heavy people get cellulite. Cellulite is not due to weight...it has to do with fat cells and the skin layers. Doing the calculations, most every human is a candidate. Unless you are the Ghost of John (Have you seen the ghost of John...never mind.) So when someone says they're trying to get rid of their cellulite and they skinny, you be quiet, yo. 

6. "You really need to eat a cheeseburger or something. Can we get this girl a burger?"

Society has also made skinny girls to just take this...even though it's extremely offensive. When you say something like that, you are insinuating the person has anorexia. So the analogy just went skinny= anorexic. But skinny people are just supposed to smile and giggle and take it. K Let's not anymore. I would never tell someone that should lay off the burgers. So why would I tell someone they should lay on the burgers? Let's think, ya'll. If you rude, you rude.

7. "You wouldn't understand."

(I don't know...all I could come up with.)

Apparently being skinny means you can't be apart of some club. the club that other people make that to them is "everyone else." Skinny people just don't understand other people's body issues, because they don't have brains right? Body issues have less to do with your body, and more with your mind. So everyone with a brain (except boys...sorry, I don't know if you guys do get girls' issues) can understand appearance problems. 

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So, my brain has kind of hit a road block I suppose...late at night. 

8 is late for some of us old folks.

I guess if you have any questions, contact me. 

Need moral support, a joke, I dunno. I'll find something.

Contact info:

Twitter: @alannajean2013

Instagram: lanlanbaby

Ask: ask.fm/alannahill

Email: ahill1325@gmail.com

if you haven't been able to tell...i love cats. 

The "Finals" of the Year

As I sit in this hall eating Panda Express in between one final and the next, I'm stopping and thinking back on my first year of college. It has been very tumultuous, not always fun, but I will miss it dearly.

Next year, I won't be able to say "I don't know what's going on, but it's okay, I'm just a freshmen."
Next year, it will be "I'm a sophomore and I'm an idiot."

So that'll be awkward.

It's weird to think that we won't be the youngest little tikes on the playground anymore.
A new wave of fresh meat will come in; but in college, you'll never know.

Unless you show your ID on the orange route or try to get on the bus through the back doors.
(Don't do that.)

One of the things I am most sad about is leaving my little 208 Maple Forbes forever. That room and I have been through a lot of stuff.
Whether it be roommate problems, boy problems, Netflix marathons, nap time...

that room has been really good to me.
So I'm just trying to give him street cred.

(I just dropped fried rice all over my keyboard.)

The year has seen its fair share of boys.
The ending of a summer fling.
2 athletes.
1 Frat boy.
And guess what, in the end, the ATHLETES are nicer than the FART boys.
(hehe see what I did there.)
If you need reference, you can read the post about what that stink in' frat boy did to me)
And guess what, I didn't find love once.
Those fairy tales about finding your husband in college...yeah, not seeing it.

I made the choice to not go out and drink.
Sometimes I regret it, most the time I don't.
Life is so much too precious to spend it under the influence or risk getting in trouble that could change your whole life.
Coming from genes of alcoholism, I don't want to risk that either.
And then there's meeting boys at parties...but do I really want some guy who has had too many shots and won't remember me tomorrow? No I'll pass.
I hope to go out more next year, but this year was the path I chose to walk.

And then I guess there's the school aspect of college.
Changed my idea for a major almost every day, didn't get all A's.
And that's hard going from valedictorian to not perfect..but do I care?
No.
People need to realize grades are not what make life.
When you go to your job interview, I PROMISE they won't ask you what your GPA was.
The real world isn't your Econ and Geology grade.
I studied one day for my midterms. WHO CARES PEOPLE.
take a chill pill...or ten.

Friends...am I sure I've made lifelong friends?
No.
I think it'll is to be seen.
Friends in dorms are there because you're all there.
It's when you go your separate ways and if you remain friends that matters.

So now is the time to pass the freshmen torch from the Class of 2017 to the Class of 2018.
You will get lost, you will cry, you will miss your mom, you will get a bad test grade...but it'll be fine.
And even though I don't know about 5000 people in my grade, I'm sure they're cool with me doing this.
Good luck little muffins!

(Sorry I rushed this...people started coming into the building and it stressed me out. Thinking about Vlogging this summer, who knows?)

Twitter: alannajean23
Instagram: lanlanbaby
Facebook: Alanna Jean Hill

From Anxiety to McDon's

A lot of my blogs are funny, but I feel the need to get this off my chest..
but I'll try to keep it lighthearted (;

I am writing this blog from my home...
which is not where I'm supposed to be considering I have class until three on Fridays.

buttttt...
yesterday I had an anxiety attack. My mom and I decided the best thing to do would be come home.

Anxiety is something I've suffered from for quite some time now.
I am on meds for it, but sometimes it just gets overwhelming.
And because of my anxiety, sometimes I suffer from depression.

People say, "Well, it's all in your head."
And they're right..
it's something in my head that I can't control.

I wish I was just making it up, because that would my life a WHOLE lot easier.
But when you really have anxiety, you really have it.

When I start stressing out about something, I can't stop.
It consumes every hour of every day.
The latest thing was if I should try out for the ISU dance team or not.
It felt like the be all to end all either way. HUGE pros and HUGE cons to me.
Because all of this, I decided it would be best not to, and focus on MYSELF.
(I also had food poisoning this week so..)

I get anxiety about weird things...weird things.
I have quite a bit of social anxiety, and sometimes that just makes me really awkward.
It's part of the reason I don't go out.
I HATE being in big groups of people.
Sometimes I feel like everyone is staring at.
I get paranoid everyone is out to get me.

I can be thinking in my head, "This doesn't make sense."
But at the same time, I can't control my maniac mind.

I don't really get stressed out about homework.
Right now, I'm stressed because I DON'T have homework, and I DON'T have finals to study for.
It helps me to be doing something, so I can distract myself.

I don't know why I decided to tell people who read this this information.
Maybe for myself, maybe so people can understand me more.
This summer and coming year, I'm just going to try really hard to help myself.
I only want people who are kind and can understand that sometimes I do struggle.

I'm not writing this for people to feel bad for me. I want people to understand me, and understand other people who suffer from this. 

On a lighterrrr note, yesterday I was at the McDonalds drive thru, and I decided to get a BBQ Ranch Burger?

Oh gosh, it was awful.

It had Fritos on it, I was not warned of this.

Why is everyone trying to put Fritos on sandwiches?

Subway's was delicious, and they gave me a warning.

McDonalds, no where in the name did it say FRITOS.

BBQ Ranch Fritos Burger? Not name brand? BBQ Ranch Corn Chip Burger?

It was McNasty.

If any of ya'll have any questions about anxiety, me, or McDonalds, just feel free to ask!

Email: ahill1325@gmail.com
Twitter: @alannajean2013
Instagram: lanlanbaby

Habitual Habits

So this week has just been super stressful
superty duperty.

I have a lot of stress habits.
but this week...

my eyebrows I have taken the blow.

I've always had really weird eyebrows, mutilated them.
But it's a nervous habit.

I just pluck, pluck, pluck..tweeze. tweeze, tweeze, tweeze..pluck.

my eyebrows are really truly hardly there. but i just color them in with a handy dandy eyebrow pencil. (which I didn't know about in middle and most of high school when I was being teased about my eyebrows. But hey, i did it to myself.)

So for anyone who reads this, I want to know y'alls stress habits! Comment, email me, message me..whatevs. I want to get to know who's getting to know me!

Email: ahill1325@gmail.com

Soooorry, this blog post is so super short. I don't have anything philosophical to say today, I guess.

First Year Fun Facts

Well, I just came back from lunch at the dining hall, and only two minutes before we left, I noticed...

my underwear was hanging out..

IN THE FRONT.

Like seriously, I've had a stressful week, I have food poisoning still not feeling so hot...but why not?

Underwear show. And that kid in my last post? Saw his roommate, so maybe they'll have a story now.

"Yeah, I talked to the girl who lets her underroos hang out like a sloot."

But anyways, I decided to compile a list of a few facts about my first year here.

1. I have never stepped foot in the library to study. The only time I went in there was to eat a sandwich. Because I was being attacked by a bitter colony of bees.

2. I went home waayyy too much. But college teaches you your mom is essentially the bomb.

3. One time, my mom took away my Netflix privileges because she thought I was watching it too much. But after I told her how I lonely I was without it...I got it back.

4. I have been battling back and forth and back and forth about trying out for the dance team this year, but...betttaaa nott.

5. I think I went to one football game? Go Cyclones...

6. I probably tried too hard to find like my biffle for the riffle but...I still don't think I've found like one of my people.

7. One time I got so lost inside of a building, I went to the bathroom and cried. And then I called my mom...

8. People I thought I would escape in high school...they're still everywhere.

9. I was called a "GID" so many times like it was an insult...like, could we come up with something more original?

10. I went to the gym enough times to count on my two hands. And most of my "gym time" consisted of staring at people.

11. And on that note, one time I was so immeasurably dead at the gym, this girl came up to me and was all like "Are you okay? Do you need anything? Water? Are you okay?"

12. The first weeks when it was 100 plus degrees... I refused to take the bus. I was scared. I was scared to take the bus because I didn't want to mess it up. I have to get on one bus right in front of my dorm to get to whatever class I need. 

13. The college desk has really helped me expand my makeup collection.

14. I went home on the weekend of non existent VEISHEA. I got way too scared...not my scene.

15. I proudly did not have an eat $#!% moment on the ice. Although the cold was pretty brutal...

16. I got a GPA of 3.73 first semester?

17. I switched my mind about my major every other day. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life besides pet cats and pin on Pinterest.

18. All the yummy places in Ames I liked closed...Aspen Leaf (they had the best lactose free flavors), Pita Pit (I travelled all the way there to find out it was closed), and Long John Silvers (but it's not like super yummy but it would have been nice on Fridays for Lent).

19. I puked in my dorm room too many times. And it was never pleasant. Being sick at college is probably the worst thing ever.\

20. I never drank here. I didn't give in to binge drinking, and a lot of people give me flack for it. I might not make friends because I don't go out, but I don't think I want to be friends with people who are drunk off their...butts. I don't judge people, but as a child of an alcoholic, I'm very proud of myself that I stuck to my morals!

Yay, I am so excited it's almost summer. I hope next year goes smoother, but I mostly hope I figure out what I want in life. I hope I find people who accept me for the odd ball I am!

The Downfall of Juan Pablo

This season, I became an avid watcher of the Bachelor. I know that people have been obsessed with this show for years, but this is the first time I have really become engulfed in it. The reason I really started having an obsession was the gorgeous male specimen that was the Bachelor: Juan Pablo Galavis. 

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B: 

So, we have established that he is very attractive. And that held my dying devotion for a while...but...that's about where his list of good qualities ends. 

Let's face it Juan Pablo is a douche. In the end, it's rumored he picks Nikki over Crazy Clare, but it's also rumored that he chooses no one and is now with some girl named Mayra..someone not on the Bachelor. Just showing that Juan Pablo did the show for the "fame"...which is ending up not to be fame that is going to his favor.

In the end of all this, Juan Pablo is known for being a homophobic man, a sleaze ball, and just honestly really dumb.

That's Juan's biggest downfall...he has no intelligence. None. He says nothing but "It's okay." I understand that English isn't his first language, but that is not an excuse to be dumber than a sack of potatoes. Girls need someone who intellectually challenges them a bit (boys, take note.) This guy...there's nothing. 

On all the dates, about the only thing that happens is making out. Go to dinner, make out. Play baseball, make out. Roll down a hill in a giant ball, make out in the ball. He didn't care if he got to know these girls. One of the only lines I can actually remember him saying is, "______ is a really good kisser." But he also wanted to set a good example for his daughter, ya know? So he couldn't make out with a girl...but then made out with every other girl. Think about how gross that is...if you're the last girl, you've swapped spit with every other girl that night too.

Juan uses SO MANY EXCUSES. English isn't his first language. He wants to set a good example for Camilla.  But as a father, the only example you are setting for your daughter is in order for a man to fall in love with you, you will have to go on a game show with thirty other women. That's what you deserve, princess. This show (no matter how addictive) is not an organic way to find love...it's completely artificial. As a father, you should prove to your daughter that she deserves all the attention in the world...not be split among a bunch of other thirsty girls.

He also places blame on everyone but himself. It was Clare's fault what happened in the ocean. If Andi had asked to stay (which clearly she would never have done), he just wouldn't have let her stay. He tries to play the victim in everything...take some responsibility. Aren't you supposed to be a man? But he's all about the "honesty"...

And let's be honest, people who go on this show have to be defective in their lives. Why would a man who looked like this be single if he was intelligent, deep, kind, etc? He wouldn't be. And if he wanted a relationship for that matter. It is very obvious to see he is not interested in a serious relationship. He would have tried to really get to know the girls more if that had been the case. I learned more about these girls by their bios and lines under their names than anything Juan Pablo uncovered.

While I am not "Team Andi" per say, (I don't really want her to be the next Bachelorette), she was completely right about everything she said about him. Some people say it was mean, but Juan Pablo has nothing we should feel sorry about. It really helped me see..."Wait, yeah, she's right...he hasn't said anything besides, 'It's okay.'" And to a man who talks about a date with another woman to you...that is not right in any sense of the word or idea. No...just no. Let's say you're kind of talking to this guy, and he tells you about how another girl stayed over, and they just had a grand old time. Ew...he clearly is lacking every brain cell a human may need. He even sent a girl home on her birthday...like he didn't even try to find out if it was her birthday. 

I think Juan Pablo just goes to show that looks are not everything...or anything. He has the looks of a god...but his personality is a joke. And it's good that TWO girls realized that and dumped him. Boys like this are just a waste of space in the world. Beautiful appearances and then hollowness inside.

Juan...if you had only kept going as strong on the inside as your physical facade seemed to show. 

#kbyeJuanPablo

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The Pressures of Being a 21st Century Young Adult

Hi y'all. I know it's been a while since I wrote on my beloved blog...poor little guy. Just with the wifi issues in my dorm...it's almost impossible to get anything done, let alone a blog post. But here I am, so yeah, let's go.

I was watching the Iowa State Men's Basketball game today (Go Cyclones), and I really started thinking about the pressure our generation faces...so much. And it's not just college athletes...it's ALL of us starting extremely young.

Our parents were pressured and pushed...no doubt. But we face...that's pressure.
Starting off with education, college is just expected. Back in our parents day, college wasn't even always thought about. It wasn't just automatically assumed that someone was going to college. Nowadays, your freshman year of high school...it's all about "What college do you want to go to?" "What are you going to major in?" I was pressured so hard all through high school being the top of my class...and now it has caught up with me. I hate college, but that's where I had to go because everyone EXPECTED it from me.
And not to mention...we're expected to go to college more and more as tuition rises higher and higher. I am completely overwhelmed thinking about paying for college next year. So once we do (hopefully) get jobs, we start our lives off with tens of thousands of dollars worth of debt. It's actually very ironic if you think about it...

And then there's athletics...not that most of us are still in them, but we all were there. The world of sports has completely evolved, and I would argue not all for the better. Every season overlaps another season. When our parents were kids, there wasn't six open gyms on Sunday. There weren't 4 $250 camps every summer. 

And everyone is expected to be the best. If you make a mistake, damn you to hell. The bar is set higher and higher every single year. Kids are faster, stronger, jump higher, lift more, more flexible (dance world), then ever before. But they also have to be the best in every thing they're involved in. And if you're not the best...you're the worst. If you're not first, you're last. 

And then there's the issue of teen pregnancy. I'm not promoting people get pregnant when they're 15, 16... but how can adults look down upon it? When my mom talks about high school, half the girls ended up getting pregnant, dropping out, and living in a trailer with their husband.

I think the world is too demanding of young adults. If you don't go to college, you might as well go fill out an application at Mcdonald's and hope you make minimum wage. But kids are never allowed to actually FIND what they want to do. They are pressured into what they are expected to do, or forced to do something that will make ends meat. Our society is so expensive, and I think we have a lot of people in the country doing things they don't really enjoy. And that just sounds like an awful life..

We should all support each other as the kids of the 21st century. Because I don't think adults really understand what growing up now is like...

Exes for The Restes.

Exes are literally probably the worst thing that ever happened to the world.
They make dating seem like the biggest no no of life.
At one point you just loved each other, couldn't get enough of each other, and now...you literally want to kill each other.
I have many charming, kind boys I used to talk to...oh wait...
Most of the guys I talked to turned into complete... you know whats.

Here is a charming photo of a text I received from an ex...

Precious, I know...A real class act.

Now don't get me wrong...girls can be just as demonic. I'm a girl I've said some really nasty things to a guy after we quit talking...I know how it goes. 

After you quit talking, you do the mature thing. Start avoiding everything and everywhere your ex might show up. Because God knows you two can't be in the same vicinity. 

The next step after you break something off is to delete and block your ex off every social media site there is...and that is getting to be really hard because there's so many. 

And if you just can't bring yourself to do it on your own, here's a gift from me to you.

And while you're at it, if your ex happens to have gotten a new girlfriend or six, make sure to block all of them too. You do not want these rando girls having dirt on you.

And if you don't follow these steps, we all know what you'll be doing at least once an hour of day light time...and probably at three in the morning. Creeping. Don't be that person.

You also start to expect that everyone you know hates your ex and your ex's entourage. I mean, if they really love you, they'll hate them, right?

Now even if you guys never speak, it still may be World War III if you two ever do run into each other. A lot of name calling, and then calling to your mom to cry. It's just how it goes.

And eventually, hopefully, there might come a day that when he calls you a blanking blanking blank, you feel nothing. "Have fun with your new girlfriend." I'm sure you'll be just as kind to her when you guys break up...

And exes/ex flings...they really suck. But I promise you, you'll find someone (or something...like a cat) that will love you for eternity. I promise.

Happy Friday. (:

Side note: I want to apologize for anyone who tried to look at this last night. I posted it and then it deleted itself. Technology, I tell ya...

Bullies are Just Really Hurting Inside.

I decided to write this because I am being bullied yet again.
It's just a pathetic guy who is so full of himself, but it still hurts to an extent.

Bullies are going to be in our lives forever.
There will always be someone who is hurting so bad inside they feel the need to try and make you feel bad too.
They feel the need to bring you down to their level; critique you on everything you do, every decision you make. Make fun of the people you know and care about.

Guy bullies are the worse. Especially at this age. To girls.
Like do you have no self decency or worth to have some class?
They are like high school girls. I was sitting with this kid that is bullying me at lunch the other day and every person who passed, he had something to say.
"You see that girl, she's so big. Big girl."
"What color was he, black? Was he black?"
Racist, sexist, acting like he's some hot shot. well...

And the people that laugh and go along with it...you're just as bad. We should not encourage bullies. Ever. Guys may do it to seem just as macho, and girls may do it to fit in with the "cool girls."

Those rude comments that you throw out and then say just kidding, that's bullying.
"You're annoying."
"What are you wearing?"
"You sound stupid."
"You're ugly."

And people who read this who think I'm being mean, I'm just sticking up for myself and all who were bullied.

I've been bullied about nearly everything. Me being "too skinny", too pale, who I've talked to, cyber harassed, a fake email made about me at another school (that I still think about taking legal action about), girl bullying, my dad being an alcoholic...I've ran the gamut of it.

And I admit, I used to be a bully and say mean things. But now in my life, I really try to make the most conscious effort to not ever bully or talk bad about people.

It's a major reason I wish to become a high school teacher...to be there for kids. I still have my days where it's too much for me, but I know I can be a light for kids in the situation.

You Can't Sit With Us

So, here I am just sitting on my couch in my cupcake pajamas, and something actually popped into my head.
I started thinking about the girls at ISU.
There's many categories, and honestly, I don't think I fit into any of them.
My mom told me not to offend anyone with these, I mean, I don't think this is necessarily offensive. It's just the truth.

So...to me at Iowa State, the categories of girls are: the granolas, the sorority girls, the athletes/spirt squad/etc, the crazies, the thirsties, the "yolos" ...the list could go on forever.

I just wrote about every single one, but decided to delete it, and just focus on the thirsties.

These girls...#icant. They are so stuck up. They are trying to claw their way to the top of the Iowa State "popularity" ladder. They think they are the prettiest, funniest, coolest, etc etc.

These girls are after an athlete or frat boy. Particularly the basketball players right now. I don't know if they think people don't notice or... If you throw yourself at a guy, he's not going to want you. Too easy of a conquest.

Anyone who is not their friend, in their sorority, parties with them, is not cool enough for them. They will look down upon you. You are not cool enough for them. After they got to college and realized how "cool" they were, they probably deleted you off Facebook and unfollowed you on Twitter. Because you're a peasant.

A lot of these girls are in sororities. They think they rule the campus. (Sorority friends, I love you. This part isn't about you.)
They also think they're really fashionable when they're just wearing what all us white girls are wearing: vest, leggings, boots, scarf... yeah, we all dress the same.

I just don't think these girls realize they're still living in HIGH SCHOOL. College is about meeting new, different kinds of people. But these girls are too focused on being "cool." Their "image." From the outside, the only image you're portraying is of a snot. A snob. Immature. Most guys at Iowa State have moved on from this...except the frat boys, of course. Frat boys are kind of the equivalent to high school girls...very rude. Only like sorority girls...that's fine. You girls can have them.

I'm still finding my niche at Iowa State. I have a few close friends, but that's about it. College is rough, because you think everyone will want the same thing as you. You think everyone will have grown up a little bit and see people for who they are. Not what they look like, what parties they're going to, what they're wearing, etc. But some people just can't do that...and they never will. These are the girls who want to be a Real Housewife someday.

Some of us are just a little bit more in touch with reality and trying to find true friends. Friends based on content and not appearance.

Also, I realize this is colleges everywhere. Not just Iowa State! And some of these girls might be really nice...but I just haven't seen it. This post isn't about anyone in particular. Just girls I see at Iowa State. A lot of my very good friends are in sororities, so nothing against them.  If you're easily offended, sorry. But maybe you shouldn't be like these girls then...

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